傷感的回憶

為什麼又想起 那段傷感的回憶
不能忘記 離別話語
你的笑在風中躲藏 出沒在每一個地方
隨著夜風吹送 四处飄蕩 落在我心上
你還在我心上 不能提也不能忘
誰都知道 我為誰感傷
不願對愛還抱希望 糾纏的苦自己嘗
卻又日日夜夜 反覆思量 困在你心房
我的心好煩 愛一個人為何這麼難
我的世界 留不住你的感情多一晚
收放之間 怎麼做才能不艱難

Remind of my love one

just sudden remind about
in my life till now, (future i dun know) , there are 2 gal i only still keep in heart, although i love them, but i know i never have the right to keep them beside me, because i am not the right one for them.

the only girl who make me live in a happiness life
- selena -

she is the most lovable girl i ever know, she lovely, caring, tender, sweet sometime spicy, smart, cheerful, and beautiful. it might too much to describe her, till now, i still miss her alot, even i not special person for her.

i make my promise to her, till now, i still hold the promise and i answer my faithfulness and careness to her. maybe it not strong but it alot meaningful to me. as i doing my part to ensure she still safe and well going on. just i still fail to make her happy, this is the thing i fail to do to her.

1 year more together her, priceless memory, still sweetening me right now. and i always think she was my wife....wife~~ unofficial "thinking"

actually, our breakup is mainly 2 reason, the love that i give her not strong enough, that lead me to separate with her, secondly is my parent refuse to our love. i hardly to take decision, till now, i still feel uncomfortable for the breakup.

however, i and her still keep in touch, even becoming more less nowaday
i just want to said to her :

~ i am sorry to you, selena. i do love you like no one, i really willing to spent much thing of myself to you. you truly the only person who i ever take so serious.

by time you with me, you become are good listener for me, you can resist my anger, you be patient with me, you help me for my business, you be a "unofficial" wife to me for cooking and pampering me.

i honestly to said, non of any girl willing to do so. but you are different that any other. you own the stlye and way that attract me, i living in your world and your dream that i wish i could forever like this.

i am sorry because i have leave you for reason, even it does hurt you but you understanding me, i wish you scold me yet you never do it, this make me even more guiltiness. from that time, i not the one for you, but i still wish to do the best for you and hope you can take it.

penang "kek lok si" temple


Genting Highland

Controlling my anger

as before i always found out myself really into a very trouble, and this cause everyone with me have to suffer the worse nightmare from me, "anger"

my "anger" aren't any ordinary people own, my one is trademark, superb "anger" that like volcano erupt, the heat around me can spread to very far, the power of my angry-ness almost like 10tons of TNT explosion. haha....

this cause the one that i love leave me, because i hardly to control myself for angry-ness. maybe is really a unchangeable attitude. however, i realize myself very clear, i am not a person who like to angry, but i are easy been trigger to "anger".

my "anger" always took over me, i am too easy to expose to "anger", whenever i meet traffic jam, getting butt screw from others, meet bottleneck, work unwell, and get butt screw from the one i love.

i learning to control my emotion, and it very sensitive, beside that, i shouldn't be too emotional sometime, it just make me keep on think and think those sad happenings. people around me who taste my "anger" really feel awful, although it not smelly but hardly to accept.

i read an article about "controlling anger - before it control you"
this give me tip and few way to controlling myself, i found useful and i try to do as said, hope i can be better rather than becoming rage.

http://www.apa.org/topics/controlanger.html

however, i hope i really can be better person for everyone around me
and also :
to those beloved who suffer from my anger explosion, i may want to say sorry to you all

What really my attitude and style?

sometime is really hard to write out what i really want, and i feel

i think about it everytime, and to mark down what i think of myself....


==------------------==
-love beauty in most aspects of life including the girl that i love

-don't really like to hurt anyone intentionally which does end up putting me at the mercy of my beloved.

-do respond to flattery or praise very much

-like those girl that are well dressed with long hair and moist lips, as long as she give me a good feel

-indecisiveness happen to me sometime when in relationships

-slightest upset happen, will upset me for a period...

-hate to be mis-judged and I really care what other people think of me

-bad temper/aggressive always cause me to take thing heavily even a small matter

....
and alot yet i didnt write down

anyone who has opinion on me, please write out, it is ok to write badly~ wuahahaha

To her , for once

It's been almost five month together
since you broke my heart that day
I tried so hard to hang on
But you slowly faded away

The memory of you still ghosting me
Everyday and when I'm thinks
I pray someday you will realize
That maybe you had made a wrong decision

We laughed, we hoped and we loved
I spread my dream under your feet, tread softly
And were going to be together forever
As long as we had each other we could overcome any challenge

The sound of your voice still surrounded in my mind
The way it would get all sweet and tender
Whenever you said I love you, my hubby
Those memories I can't surrender but suffer

You hurt my heart when you told me you inlove someone
But I still hardly letting you away
Please lie to me once and tell me it's just a word of nothing
Hurry before these pity heart long gone

Can't you see I'm so sad without you?
My heart is broken wounded with no cure
I have try to forgiven you for much thing
But I hope you do care

Tell me what makes you love him more than you love me?
What is it about him that makes your heart fall?
You told me that I was all you ever needed
What happened to that desire for me you once felt?

Your days are now spent with him as you forget about me
You are happy with another while I'm drowning in sorrow
I hardly take the pain of losing you
Yet I am learn to accept the fact

medical

today i went to ampang puteri hospital...

to purchase a full package for personal health checkup that total 110+ kind of test that included CT scan and MSI scan.
i spent rm16000 with every year renew the test for rm688

i really didnt think much of it, since that i seldom take care of myself, so i decide to spent this amount to help myself, maybe is a waste, but it just think how everyone value it.

having a good health maybe is what should i concern about too, before it was too late to discover any bad happenings.

i hope i did the right way to make myself more healthy and better

forgive and forget

how many people really can reach this level to forgive and forget a person for wrong doing?

to me, is a hard way to reach, i never been so tough for this yet, but i am willing to learn, somehow myself are follow my heart guidance, and causes so much trouble because of unsatisfying and heart broken!

letting the person you love go is hard....
today, i overcome the sadness, every single word stuck inside my heart is voice out, i feel so comfort and relax...

now would i give her a chances to becoming a friends...is to see whether i can forgive and forget what she done to me, yet i cannot answer this now. maybe yes maybe no. just let the time judge

feeling lost of love is somewhat hardest feeling ever any human being felt! so, i really hope everyone could really appreciate the love one around you, please love them and trust them if they are the person who give you future and true

lovesick

lovesick = love that causing me to sick...

sickness of love divide by 2
sickness of losing love and sickness of over loving


i having sickness of losing love, and it lead to
stressful
moody
pain in the heart but not ass
unable to sleep, this is better than any coffee ...

the toughest one is ... ur heart are crying not ur eyes.

the suffering of unable to let it all out, everything just stuck inside and jeopardize.. jam le...

stupid i am?

a white gold diamond ring to represented she was the future one

does a ring make it so important? then it just up to you

present a important thing to a person that are special never is a joke, it always bring meaning, and it the part that generate more closer inside relationship beside that having sex.

other than that, the very holiday we have , the time for simple. it the key to both side to have special moment together, without it, you fail apart of it

the sum for myself, is quite a failure person i am.....
because i think take care of her is enough......

the lost of precious person

for myself...i never like cheating, unless it bring goodness, cheat for good as it mean to avoid bad happening!

right or wrong is just a personal view for everyone, love does not contain right or wrong, it is because human are selfishly! and everyone always demand the best and suitable person with them, it happen to me too, till i take it lightly!

i am a person who don't deserve much, i never expect any kind of beauty to the person i like or love, she give me the feel, she the one. sound that i might give you lot of complaint not because i like to complaint, it is because i hope you can listen and improve yourself , it is a way that improve self personal and attitude!

myself toward love is heavy, especially to those i hold so true, because she is very "true" to me, she very precious to me, afraid of losing and lead to too much worry and controlling. personal attitude cause the problem wanted her to change her own style to suit the person i wanted!

sometime, people say, losing someone precious only realize it was too late to save...
it make sense, to those who less pay attention to the person they love...

do i deserve? yes, i do, because i didnt able give more time and space to be with her, also i take it lighty on the relationship!

=====
losing her is a pain for short term
getting kick by her is kinda heavy wounded inside my heart, it much more pain
getting cheat by her is the worse part, true feeling end up get none

Heart broken?

yeah, it pain, it hurt, it miserable, it just feel hard to accept what it happening to me right now

see openly...the world is more widely that my think!

a relationship that come into a halt and end without a proper reason it kinda confuse. this is the kind i have to facing now...always, remind myself to be strong, and tough....in many way, yet not in my love life, softheart cause me keep on thinking and moody...

taking care myself never is a problem, taking care of other was the tough part....

the girl that breaking up with me because of loving other guy, first time i ever face
just maybe i not the right one...i insist myself are a good person to the one i love, maybe just the way everyone wanted is different.

i prefer a love relationship that are low profile, safe and smooth, rather than over heating...
i might because got into too much time in love, that generating me to become like this, for her, still new and still need the "young" and "hot" feeling...

whatever, this is take time to recover...i really hope myself can always endure this happenings, and i willing to learn and let it go!

wish i am happy single now

and to those girl that are cheat guy feeling, you all never have the right to say any, and u deserve the bad punishment!

New Year with a Bad start?

ohye~ new year was fun , i not going anyplaces, just during the mid time, going out have drink with my friends....yet this was a bad decision rather to hang with friend that girl-friends...so, result she was not happy and wanted to break up ~ what a mess... but im very okie, if u wan to break, then break lo~ i dun really mind so much thing nowadays, tired of handling problem that keep on surroudding me!

later on ask wat actually happen, she answer me back said that she like another guy, hmm..is kinda common too if she meet another guy that better than me lot more! however, i dont have heavy feel for letting she go, just feeling abit hard for myself to this sudden happenings!

well, i hope this year i got more business rather than love problem and gain more respect too!
cheer!